you're mama told you, thered be days like this....

I have fallen madly in love with you.

KPR

sometimes the death of something is worse than never knowing the beginning.

I'm so happy to be able to smell you on my pillow. Its so comforting. Its like you're here with me. I cant sleep
. I miss you too much. I... just wish it was you and I. The two of us.


I wish I didn't feel like shit.

I wish I could say what is wrong. Wish I had the words. I guess I just feel like a failure. I'm no good. No one wants me around. For fucks sake someone poked the eyes out of my picture on the staff board a few weeks ago. Why do I bother?

and you know what..? i'm fucking pisssed at EMS. they have already offered pete, and lecia the full time position and havent even spoken a word to me about any of it, that makes me so fucking angry. i've been there the longest outside of current managment. ajd so what? i screw up one week of my time there and suddenly i'm a cast away. fuck that. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH it makes me want to say something to them about it.

my stomache is in knots i think.
my eyes are sleepy.
im working all day.
i want coffee.
my right side is cold and facing the window.
i think i'm hungry.
i need a watch.
BROKE.
ugh.

le sigh. okay, maybe i freaked for a minute or two and thought you left without saying goodbye. i shocked myself with that one, stupid me. should have known better.
cutest thing ever... i walked upstairs and waiting on my pillow was my birthday card. sweetest fucking thing ever. not only did i spend an incredible day with her but she continues to show me how truely amazing she really is. i'm in lovel. so in love. and i only wish that my wishes come true. i really really do.

xoxo
kpr <3

i woke up.... and you were gone.


i...


sigh.

my chest feels tight.

my face, flushed.

eyes tired.

what is it that I am supposed to do?

Acceptance " SoContagious"

Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected
And I can tell I've been moving in so slow
Don't let it throw you off too far
Cause I'll be running right behind you

Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously

Oohhh, when I'm around you I'm predictable
Cause I believe in loving you at first sight
I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to..
To take a hold of you

Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously

Oh you're everything I'm wanting
Come to think of it, I'm aching
On account of my transgression..
Will you welcome this confession?

Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously

Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously

FUCK.



my insides are freaking out.
part of me wants to curl up into a tiny little ball and cry.

my horoscope told my not to freak out. and to be patient.
i'm doing my best. i'm so stupid sometimes, i freak out at the smallest little details.
when really i need to just hold on and step back. i just need to relax.


she knows how much i love her.
at least i hope she does.
there isn't a bone in my body that doesn't ache for her when she's not here.
there isn't a muscle that moves like they do when i'm around you.
my head wants to explode! but in a good way.
you fill up my soul.
make me feel alive.
you make me feel fucking wonderful.
i love that.
i love you.
and every time you kiss me my heart melts,
my insides scream!
and i fall in love all over again.
I want to be the one that you cut wood with.
I want to be the one that's curled up next to a fire with you
I want to be the one you kiss and hold at night.
I want to be the one you wake up to in the morning, forever.
I want to be the one that wakes you up with a soft "good morning beautiful."
I want to be the one that spends the rest of her days with you.


( behind the scenes )

Tonight out on the streets
I'm gonna follow you
Tell you all about a scene
That you would kill for
You're gonna love what's
Burning right in front of you
But you won't see it
By the light of the sun

Come out, tigerlily
You're caressing me
I'll take you up
I'll turn you on
I'll take your apathy
I wouldn't lie to you, blossom
Won't you let it go?
I'm gonna give you all you want
And don't you know

That you
I know you better than this
I could be here when you call
I'll make you top of the list
And in the crush of the dark
I'll be your light in the mist
I can see you burning with desire
For a kiss
Psychobabble all upon your lips

They can sell it all they want
But you cannot agree
I don't like the taste
Of their morality
You'll find your bread and your butter
Where you fake it
And put your face in the gutter
Of a snake pit

But our communication
Is telepathy
What you give is what you get
Out of us naturally
And we can wait 'til the shadow grows long
And turn the page of a story
That has long since found a home

I know you better than this
I could be here when you call
I'll make you top of the list
And in the crush of the dark
I'll be your light in the mist
I can see you burning with desire
For a kiss
Psychobabble all upon your lips

Have you ever felt
Like you're being followed?
Or watched the ones that held your stare?
Turned around to see who's behind you
To find there's no one there?
Lurking in the dark
There's someone who breathes you night and day
There's a friend who wants so much more
And if they can't have you
They'll never let you walk away

And in the crush of the dark
I'll be your light in the mist
I can see you burning with desire
For a kiss

And in the crush of the dark
I'll be your light in the mist
I can see you burning with desire
For a kiss
Psychobabble all upon your lips

the leaves on the tree are like a thousand clapping hands in the wind. and from the roots of this old wise tree the sound of applause rises forth and catches nature with its wonder. It speaks "Congratulations Mother Earth, you have performed yet another miracle.

please dont be here if you dont want to be.

the last thing i need is false actions. false words. false feelings.



i just dont know...

i want to go to bed...

i want to see/feel/be less sometimes.



i think i'm falling for the impossible love. <3

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'aww!'"
-jack kerouac

The awakening


I drew from my lonely pack of camel lights
All but one stick,
One lighter.
Made my way to the bathroom
Where I drag the blinds by string upwards
Cracked the wooden framed glass,
And broke the seal between me
And the cool outdoors.
I sit alone on my own two feet
Shifting my weight so as not to be so still.
I feel the heat creep up my neck
And notice you borne the brunt of all my thoughts
My heart beats stronger.
My hands grow jittery.
My eyes fade from brown to green,
And suddenly I’m lost in you.
Your image unwinds and unfolds
And every breath I have is spoken word.
Love letters written in tongues.
Not just tongues but tongues,
Lips, breath, hands, skin.
All words fleeting from my mouth,
Dripping from my throat…
Onto a page bursting with emotion
With a single named address
Roxane.
The heart that hangs so heavy in my chest
Now lays in tangles on my shirt sleeve.
And sentiment I thought never existed
Seems suddenly so vivid…
So brilliant..
That my own lips cannot conceal this sentiment.




(that kiss has left me burning. i can't breathe. or think. im completely falling in love with you.)

holy hell my life has been fucking NUTZ.

KOSS, Weston, 17, 29 Thomas Circle, Falmouth; two counts of assault and battery with dangerous weapon (scissors, spatula), two counts of assault and battery, Wednesday in Falmouth. Ordered to stay away from victim. Pretrial hearing Aug. 6


dear life... uhhhhhg. sooo many things have been happening lately its not even funny. things too a turn for the worse when i scored a black eye from the doouchebag named above. fucking prick. but then soon after a budding friendship and possible... slightly possible mysterious romance may come into play soon.

this woman is a sight to be seen. photographer. bahtenda. a true beaut. funny. smart. lesbian. sigh... could she get any better? doubtful. anywho she's pretty rad and we've been talking NONSTOP for the past few days. I love it.