you're mama told you, thered be days like this....

i'm just not over it. it just hurts too much still. what on earth do i do. sigh. i feel betrayed. and the thought just keeps popping up in my head and i feel sick to my stomach. uuuugh.

Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come

And I never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh
Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than
that

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

and you wolnder why i'm so fucking upset......


I can't stand it when you try and decieve me like that. i can't stand it when you don't even FUCKING talk to me because she is there. i can't deal with that, as shown by tonights behavior. i'm so sorry to everyone involved, and those that aren't still. i so wish i oculd just let it all go. but i can't.



in the end you don;t want me. you want a perfect version of her.

i guess i dont even know where to start.

i'm trying to figure out how i feel. and i will try to describe this as best as i can. abandoned. useless, afraid, deeply saddened. devastated. lonely. wreckless. ugly. ashamed. wasteful. those are just a few things that i'm feeling, along with sick to my stomache. this relationship has been one of the most amamzing t hings in my life. i feel like in reading that text message that you have just ripped out my heart and stomped on it just after i opened my chest to you. i feel like everytime i try and put my heart out there you leave me with uncertainties and fogginess. you fill my with an eternally deep sad feeling that radiates through my core. its just like you told me that you dont know about us but what if things change with her and you both decide to give it another chance, WTF? (anger) are you kidding me? if thats what you want then go for it. i wont cage you. but i cannot guarentee that i will be here for that. and the thought is ripping me apart.

ugggh. just get over it kandyce... this will pass?

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

Feeling lonely today.

Posted via LjBeetle

Ive been sitting here. waiting all day for something exciting to happen. i mean... it is my day off, something that doens't happen very often. and ideas a plenty have been tossed around. its been a really hot day, thought i was going to go crabbing for the first time, hang with my girlfriend and have a really great day. and now, i'm sitting here, kind of sad at the turn out. 3 beers in... still isn't helping. ugh. i'm really sad. though i should have taken it upon myself to make something better out of my day rather than relying on other people to make it for me, or with me.

So, what do i do? any idea?

sigh...

not I.

sigh. feeling really really lonely right now. and i guess lately. I still feel sometimes that i'll never compare. ugh. not a good feeling.